The Bottle Incident
by dreamscapenymph
Summary: "I'LL GET YOU MY PRETTIES! and your little bikinis, TOO!" SHUDDERS. Wherein Ino, Tenten, Sakura and Hinata run away from hideous visions of green bulging...things.  outtake from shinobi definitions no. 20


note: 'tis actually an outtake from shinobi definitions no. 20

* * *

The Bottle Incident

It was a bad thing to let Ino do the shopping. In the first place, they had let her because her cries of _YOU DUMMIES WITH _ZERO_ FASHION SENSE SHOULD JUST LET ME DO THE BIKINI SHOPPING!_ wouldn't stop unless she had her own way. Come to think of it, the three of them should have retorted back (yes, even _hinata_) at her, _YOUR TASTES ARE MILES AWAY FROM US! _or_ WE DO NOT WANT TO BE BRANDED AS A HOEBAG, TOO!_

But never mind. When Ino was on a roll, no one could ever stop her.

And that was how they ended up with the skimpiest bikinis ever to grace the face of the earth.

While Hinata's was a dark one piece suit that should have really been a two piece suit seeing as it was just practically a piece of thread connecting the two pieces of clothing together, and Tenten had a frilly two piece suit with shorts that were so short they shouldn't be considered shorts as a bottom, Sakura had the hardest of it all. She was handed a white, _virginal-but-not-really_ two piece string set by a cackling Ino.

She stared at the offended thing crumpled in her hands. "And what is this supposed to say?"

Ino continued to cackle, "What you are, Forehead, what else?"

Sakura glared.

"I mean, look, we're about twenty-two years already, and you _still_ haven't resolved all that sexual tension between you and you-know-who."

Sakura's eyes narrowed at her, and Ino chuckled nervously as she watched the other girl flex her fingers.

"Come on, Forehead, you know I'm doing this for you. You _know _you like him, we _know_ he likes you, it's as obvious as the glaring sun on a hot training day. And don't you dare deny it. Hearing the two of you flirting is all cute and whatnot but seriously, _even I'M frustrated already, and you need to jump each other's bones_. AND START WITH WEARING THAT STRING BIKINI!"

Desirous of saving her hapless ears, for Ino was never going to be satisfied unless she had her way, Sakura begrudgingly walked away. Off to the bathroom she and her ringing ears went, to join Hinata and Tenten, who were already chastised by the resident fashion guru minutes ago.

They went out, and Ino tossed them cover-ups before announcing that they were ready to go to the rare beach outing that all of them shinobi had the luck to have, and that jaws were going to drop and eyes bug out at the sight of them _SEXIES_.

At the beach, Sakura just watched the others frolicking in the water. She didn't have the guts to take off her pale peach knit cover up and enjoy the water. The bikini was so skimpy that she was afraid that any movement might cause it to unravel, no matter how many times she knotted it. She looked around and saw the other three girls, and smirked. Even Ino's movements were more limited today-it was obvious that all of them were afraid that the scant pieces of clothing they called bikinis would fall off, and leave them to the ogling eyes of the perverts in the beach. She wondered if the guys would help them if that happened, or would just join the other perverts in the leering.

"You're not going in the water?"

Sakura looked up, surprised to see Sasuke looking down at her. It was rare for them to be talking pleasantly to each other. Normally it was just Sakura talking and Sasuke hn-ing, or they were arguing each other's heads off.

Sakura shook her head, and a mischievous idea for revenge took form. _It would be nice if he was the only one who spoke during this conversation._

"Then what's the use of forcing all of us to come here?"

Sakura glared at him.

Sasuke shrugged, then shook off his shirt and stepped onto the salty water, as Sakura forced herself not to stare. Though the scars were there, faint and faded, training had always done wonders to the shinobi's body. Especially the males. It was all she could do not to go _Mmmm._ She giggled as she saw the activity in the water stop, and the girls stare.

Then she chuckled when she saw their respective boyfriends-ish snatch their faces away from Sasuke's direction and force it to return back to them. Sakura was full out laughing now. She had seen Naruto look that disgruntled, but never had she seen Neji and Shikamaru look remotely pissed. Which they were right now.

She could swear that Sasuke was smug and smirking.

Then she had an idea. She wasn't too lacking in the female figure department, she knew, and she knew that only the girls had seen her in tank tops and shorts. All her life, she wore clothes that never really flattered her figure, that she could just imagine the shock _if…_

She stood up and let the cover-up fall. She could see Ino smirking at her as she descended into the water slowly, unraveling her hair tie and brushing her fingers on the strands, shaking her head a bit. The soft sea breeze helped the effect, lifting the locks slightly off her shoulders. She proceeded to a part of the water where there was no one else, submerged herself, then broke out, shoving her hair off her face slowly. She glanced around surreptitiously to see the girls red-faced yet encouraging, and the boy's eyes nearly bugged out. Naruto's mouth was unabashedly open as Hinata giggled and closed his jaw. Sasuke…she couldn't make out his expression, and she continued to mull it over as she swam away slowly, strokes precise, her body stretched out along the water for full effect.

Later, she convened with the girls who were lounging around in beach chairs. She grinned at them, and Ino clapped her hands, "Well done, Forehead! If he doesn't do anything after that, he's..._impotent_."

The others laughed. "Even Neji couldn't look away!" Tenten exclaimed.

"Um," Sakura began, "it wasn't supposed to be-"

"Don't you worry about that," Tenten's smile turned evil, "he won't ever cheat on me."

Sakura laughed nervously. She knew what Tenten could do, and it was _scary._

"Where are they, anyway?"

"Sent them for refreshments," Ino waved her hand vaguely.

It was then that disaster struck.

Lee and Gai were late, because they had to finish up a report for Tsunade, but they had promised to come. And there they were, with glaring green trunks that failed to hide their… bulges.

Ino couldn't hide her disgust, "The least they could do is wear shorts over them!"

Aaand. Once more Ino fails.

For her exclamation pulled Gai and Lee's attention to them, and the girls could only watch in horror as their eyes grew pink hearts and they simultaneously exclaimed, "OH PRETTY YOUTHFUL GIRLS IN SWIMWEAR!" and proceeded to run to them.

The girls gave chase.

Amid the screams of "PICTURES, PLEASE, MY PRETTIES!" and "OH THE FLOWERS OF YOUTH, WE WANT TO BE WITH YOU!" the girls ran, and exclaimed to each other, "Jutsu! Who can do some jutsu to transport us?"

"I can't! I'm busy holding on to this bikini!"

"Me too!"

"Ino it's all your fault!"

"It's going to fall off!"

"Oh gosh, RUN!"

"MY PRETTIES! WE WANT YOU!"

"AND YOUR LITTLE BIKINIS, TOO!"

At least they outran them (how they did not know. it must have been out of sheer desperation), and found a good place to hide behind a boat somewhere near the beach on the other side of the island.

"Are they gone?" Tenten, in spite of herself, was panting furiously. Actually, all of them were. Such a shame for kunoichi but their dignity was the one _in line here!_

"I think so," Sakura said, daring to peek over the boat, and saw that there wasn't any living thing in green chasing after them anymore.

"Oh thank kami," Ino exhaled, slumping against the boat. It shook a little, causing the other girls to say, "Hey!" at the blonde, and Sakura to smirk and go, "PIG."

Ino was in the process of death-glaring at Sakura when she exclaimed, "O MAI. Is that what I think it is? VODKA!"

Then Ino set off towards the shore and back, all in five seconds, out of breath and shrieking, "VODKA! VODKA!"

Sakura loved that girl, but sometimes…"What is it that you're cradling, Pig? I refuse to believe that bottle is full of vodka."

"But it is! And unopened, too!"

"Who'd leave a bottle of vodka-" Sakura looked, and her eyes widened. "It is, vodka!"

Tenten rolled her eyes, "Excellent powers of observation, Sakura. Well, you do know what this means, right?"

Hinata spoke up, "W-We'll get sloshed, r-right?"

The other three turned to look at her, the innocent one, the untainted one.

Then they chanted in unison, "We've taught you well."

Hinata blushed in pleasure.

"Ah. THANK KAMI FOR VODKAAAA."

"I KNOOOOW, riiiiiight?"

"HEY. I'm not drunk enough! WE NEED MOAR. Like, right now."

"Y-Yeah. S-Sakura-chan! Send a s-s-slug to Naruto-kun, N-N-NOW! I want more. Uhm. More. Um. More drunk."

"HAHAHAHA. Hinata-chan, you're a bad drunk! YOU ORDER US AROUND BUT STILL YOU STUTTERRR."

"I KN-KNOW! W-WHAT IS IT WITH THIS s-s-stutterrrr. KILL IT."

"I DON'T MIND BEING ORDERED BY HINA IF IT'S FOR VODKAAAA LA LA LA."

"The slug's off? I'm only halfway drunkkk! Honestly, it's a good thing the three of you are lightweight, so we can still have enoughhhh…oh LOOK IT'S A BOAT. THING. Does anyone know how to make this thing work?"

"YEAH THE SLUG is up up and awayyyy."

"Stupid FOREHEAD THING! A slug doesn't go up up and away..Cl..Cl…Clowns DO! Yeah, clowns."

"EVERYONE SHUT UP. My h-h-head is p-pounding. But I still want more v-v-vodkaaaa."

…and their conversations were all on the same vein.

Needless to say, that was how the boys found them, after receiving a cryptic note from a shaking and scratched slug summons. They figured they were attacked of some sort, because the note was in obvious code, that was Sakura's handwriting there, and _even _Shikamaru couldn't understand it. It had also been scrawled rather messily and hastily-the girls must have been in the middle of the skirmish when it was written. So instead they opted to follow the harassed-looking slug towards the heat of the battle to find-

NOT.

There wasn't any battle.

Instead, all they saw were the girls…drunk. As an old, retired widower bemoaning the state of his life.

Naruto, Neji and Shikamaru shook their head and picked up their respective girls-with much protest-and left, nodding at Sasuke, who was left with the dilemma named Sakura. What right had he to be the one to pick her up and bring her to sober-dom? While he was her teammate, he wasn't her boyfriend._Yet._

He had a feeling that all that dancing around was going to be worth this moment.

He smirked down at her, who was grinning at him through an obvious drunken haze.

"Can I feel your abs, SSSassy-Sassss'ke-kun?"

He never knew his blushing Sakura could be this _forward_.

"Sure."

She shrieked and launched herself at him. Then she passed out.

He sighed. It looked like he wasn't going to get anyyyy.

"Who the hell gets drunk in five shots of vodka?"

* * *

_Smirk._

_"Ino, I can feel you smirking. And I know you can hold your liquor. What happened-no, scratch that, what did you do to Sakura, Hinata and Tenten?"_

_Eeeevil smirk._

_"More like what did me, Hinata, and Tenten do to Sakura?"_

_A shaking head.

* * *

_

_"Tenten. Tenten. I know you can hold your liquor. Get off my back now."_

_"…"_

_"…"_

_"You are SUCH a party pooper, Hyuuga."_

_"…"_

_"…"_

_"Fine. You can stay."_

_Snort._

_"Admit it. You just want the feel of my breasts on your back."_

_"I-asdfgdhkl;-Tenten STOP RUNNING YOUR HANDS DOWN-ASDFGHJKL;"_

Thump.

_Giggle.

* * *

_

_"Hinata-chan? Hinata-chan? Are you alright now? You need to lie down? Something to drink? A hot compress? Or a cold one?"_

_Sigh._

_"Hinata-chan?"_

_"Naruto-kun. S-S-Stop. And sit down H-H-HERE."_

_"Um. Okay."_

_Fidgeting._

_"Hinata-chan, are you oak-MMMPH."_

_Arms snaking around each other._

_A bright grin and a shy smile.

* * *

_

_Sigh._

_"Of all the times to be asleep, Sakura." _


End file.
